Children

Under Texas Law, neither parent “gets the kids.” This is a common misconception that treats kids as a possession, property, or something to be won. The best course of action is for the parents to work together and come up with a solution that best suits their family and their personal circumstances. Courts do not look favorably on fights and battles over children. The courtroom is not well-suited to handle family disputes because the Judge has limited options under the law. Unfortunately, not all parents can come to a workable solution. If parents cannot determine how best to resolve their differences during a divorce, then a Judge may decide for them. The Texas Family Code requires Judges to make decisions about what is in the best interest of children when their parents are going through a divorce. If left to a Judge to decide, the Judge may come up with his or her own idea of what is in your children’s best interests, which could be different from what either parent wants for their children. A Judge has broad discretion to hear evidence related to what is in a child’s best interest, and many factors weigh into such a determination. The default in Texas is Joint Managing Conservatorship, which governs decision making, rights, and responsibilities for children. There is also a Standard Possession Order which is by law the minimum reasonable schedule for the non-primary parent’s parenting time with children.

Both parties need to sign an agreed-upon divorce decree, which should divide all community property and set a comprehensive custody arrangement.

Divorce affects children at all ages in different ways. Children are sensitive to changes in their environment and they feed off of their parents’ emotions, actions, and behavior. The best way to handle a divorce is to shield children from the conflict as much as possible. Children should not be involved in the divorce case. Children should not know what is going on procedurally with the case. Children should not hear discussions about the divorce or negative comments about the other parent. Oftentimes, counseling can be helpful for children to process and work through divorce. A great resource for children is The Invisible String by Patrice Karst. I recommend this book for children going through divorce.

Typically, it’s not better to stay together for children. If there is conflict and strife in a marriage that cannot be repaired, then children are usually better off after parents divorce. If parents are in an unhappy or unsuccessful marriage, it is often more harmful to children. The best thing you can do for you and your children is to give them happy and healthy parents, which may not be possible if two parents who want to divorce stay together for the sake of their children.

There is no way to know how divorce is going to impact any child specifically. Divorce is hard on all members of the family. There are ways to minimize the impact of divorce on children, and much of that falls on the parents and how they choose to navigate their divorce process. One major realization for parents is that litigation, the courtroom, and a Judge are not good places to make important decisions about how to raise a child through and after divorce. Parents often struggle about what is best for children because that can be a major reason for a divorce, but the more parents can set aside their differences and compromise for the sake of their children the better chance the damage from divorce will be minimal. Sometimes, the divorce is actually the best thing for a family in distress and can provide opportunities for parents to flourish post-divorce which in turn greatly benefits children.

There are no stages of a divorce for children. Children are not involved in a divorce. Children should be addressed in an age-appropriate manner about what is happening and how they may be impacted by some changes in their home environment. But children should be supported emotionally and reminded they are loved by their parents and this is about their parents’ decision. Nothing is the result of any action taken or not taken by the child.